I’ve been cloth diapering for the better part of 10 years. And no, this isn’t a post where I’ll tell you all about my experience and recommend you use them.
We were never the don’t-you-dare-put-a-disposable-diaper-on-my-child type. But more of the realistic type. Use them at home as much as possible. Disposables at night and when we go out. And when we get lazy. And don’t feel like washing them.
It’s been a long season of diapers.
With Judah already two years old and becoming more aware of his needs, we are so close to being done with diaper season. And to be honest, I really, really just want to be done with cloth diapers.
Buy a few huge boxes of dipes, trash them, and shout “Halleluia” when he is finally potty trained.
Cloth diapers are easy to be honest. A load or two extra a week and stuffing the inserts, that’s really all there is to it. Yes, you have to swish them in the toilet when there’s been a blowout, but even that’s not a big deal anymore. I’ve changed a lot of diapers.
But in the last couple of weeks, I’ve been so tempted to just get rid of them once and for all. Hurry this season along a bit. Maybe even try to potty train early. Because like I said before, I’m really just done with the cloth.
But then, earlier this week when I was getting ready to take my diapers off the line, God gave me one of those “live small” revelations.
I’m telling you. Ask Him to reveal Himself in the smallness and He will.
I’m not one to rush the seasons with my children. I recognize the passing of time and wanting to hold onto it all. But when your last baby is almost done with diapers, it’s hard not to want to rush it. I’m looking ahead to what it will be like and just want it to be done already.
But as I was taking the diapers off the line, it occurred to me that in the midst of wanting to rush this season of life, I end up forgetting the blessing of the season. I end up forgetting to look right in front of me and see what’s there. I forget to live small. I guess diapering your children might not seem like much of a blessing, but it’s there if you look for it.
Belly kisses and zerberts. (Yes, that’s probably a made up word, I know.) Plenty of laughs and horrified faces over those big blowouts. Watching your child get bigger and bigger until they barely fit on the changing table anymore. Plenty of yelling at them to please lay still for five seconds and stop squirming until you’re done.
And even the blessing in the diapers themselves. Jason and I had no idea when we invested in cloth diapers 10 years ago how much money we’d save. How many diapers we’d keep out of a landfill. How quickly 10 years would pass and how our babies aren’t so little anymore. How much trust is earned by your children in taking care of their needs and how the step of independence in using the toilet on their own is just one more step in the direction of more and more independence.
All I could think about in the past few weeks when I washed diapers was how much I just wanted to be done with them already. Done with the washing, done with the drying, done with the stuffing, and done with the swishing of dirty diapers. In the midst of that, I had forgotten to be thankful for the season of diapering in general. For the seasons of babies in my home.
Sometimes we can look ahead to the season we want to be in. The season that isn’t quite yet. And we can want to rush the season we’re in to get there. We do things to “hurry it along” when really, we’re supposed to just be in it, fighting to the end, trusting God is with us along the way, and trusting that in His time, we’ll be onto that new place in our life.
Because let’s face it, difficult seasons are easy to be done with, right? You want to be done with the sickness, done with the bills, done with the fighting, done with waiting, done with the uncertainty of it all. Done. How many times do we want to cry out, “God, I’m just done with this!”
I promise you, dear reader, I understand difficult seasons. We’re in one. We’ve been in one. We’ve looked ahead at where we want to be and it’s just not yet. I feel like it’s close. But it’s not yet. And so rather than wish and want and do things in my own time to make that season come faster, I’m waiting in this one. I’m being thankful for what this season holds (sometimes kicking and screaming if I’m honest), because it’s preparing me for the next season. So while I’m keeping my eye on it, knowing it’s around the corner somewhere, I’m still living small in my current season. Focusing on what’s in front of me now. Of what God’s revealing to me now.
We’ve watched friends come in and out of seasons faster than us. We’ve seen friends in seasons harder than ours.
So for those of you who find yourselves in a difficult season, finish strong. Keep running your race. Hold fast to what this season is bringing you. Live small and focus on what’s right in front of you. Right now.
Whether you are in a difficult season or not, how do you find yourself living small? Please feel free to comment below.